Picture this: a parking lot, a stick-shift Isuzu Rodeo, and a teenager determined to master driving solo. That’s where my “lone wolf” story begins.

It feels odd, awkward even, to admit this. But it’s true. Growing up, I learned to navigate life’s challenges on my own. There was no roadmap, no guidebook, just the sheer will to figure things out. Each hurdle taught me resilience, and each success brought a bittersweet reminder of the absence of someone to share it with. It was lonely at times, but it shaped me into someone who could weather storms without flinching. My first driving lessons were in a stick-shift Isuzu Rodeo, in an empty parking lot—self-taught. Most of what I’ve mastered, I learned alone.

A childhood shaped by an early divorce and migration from Brazil to the U.S. meant I had to figure things out—fast. By 14, I was working full-time. By 15, I was a supervisor at the local McDonald’s, running the fry station with the precision of a general in battle. At 17, I was in a serious relationship that taught me more about compromise than any self-help book. By 20, I became a hotel manager. By 27, I had more experience than most of my snowflakes-peers. I adapted, hustled, and moved forward. I learned how to thrive in solitude.

Even my hobbies reflect this. I run 4 to 8 miles every day, rain or shine. I rollerblade with the finesse of a 90s action movie montage. I bike—not casually, but the kind of biking that involves Lycra shorts and a steely gaze. None of these are team sports. The one exception was football in high school, and truth be told, I joined mostly for the cheerleaders. Otherwise, my path has been solitary.

But here’s the twist: I love people. Like the time my team surprised me on my birthday with a cake shaped like a running shoe—a nod to my daily runs. It was thoughtful, funny, and an incredible reminder of why I enjoy being part of a team.

Today, I lead a team of over 600 incredible individuals. My days are packed with double- and triple-booked meetings. I’m surrounded by brilliant, capable people, and I genuinely enjoy their company. And yet—shhhh—I secretly enjoy being alone, too.

So, which is it? Am I a lone wolf, or is that a myth?

The Lone Wolf Myth: A Cultural Narrative

The “lone wolf” archetype has long been romanticized. Think Clint Eastwood, wandering the desert with a squint that could melt steel. Think tech geniuses who supposedly code their billion-dollar ideas in isolation, fueled by coffee and a disdain for human interaction. Society loves the image of the rugged individualist. But research increasingly debunks this ideal.

A study published in The Leadership Quarterly found that leaders who prioritize collaboration over individualism consistently outperform their peers. Teams with collaborative leaders were 34% more productive and 21% more profitable. Additionally, employees working under these leaders reported higher job satisfaction and engagement.

Turns out, the “lone wolf” often relies on their pack more than they’d care to admit. Think about Steve Jobs, often seen as a solitary genius. Yet, behind every innovation was a team—the engineers, designers, and thinkers at Apple—collaborating to bring his vision to life. Even Jobs famously said, “Great things in business are never done by one person; they’re done by a team of people.”

Even in nature, the lone wolf is more of an anomaly than a rule. Wolves thrive in packs because collaboration increases their survival odds. A lone wolf? They’re usually just a wolf having a really bad day.

The Science of Solitude and Connection

While collaboration is critical, solitude has its own merits. Take Abraham Lincoln, for instance. Known for his thoughtful leadership, Lincoln often retreated into solitude to reflect and strategize during the Civil War. Yet, he was also a master of collaboration, assembling a “Team of Rivals” to ensure diverse perspectives guided his presidency. This balance of reflection and teamwork became a cornerstone of his success. Neuroscientist Dr. Mary Helen Immordino-Yang’s research highlights that periods of reflection and solitude enhance creativity, problem-solving, and emotional regulation. Leaders who balance solitude with social interaction often exhibit greater resilience and adaptability.

But here’s where things get interesting. Studies from the University of Michigan show that the best leaders are ambiverts—people who balance extroverted and introverted tendencies. They’re equally comfortable leading a team meeting as they are brainstorming alone in a quiet room. This balance is often what sets high-performing leaders apart.

Lone Wolf Tendencies in Leadership

Now, let’s talk about how being a “lone wolf”—or at least having some of those tendencies—can work in leadership.

1. Independence Fuels Innovation: Solitude allows leaders to think deeply and explore ideas without interruption. Some of the world’s greatest breakthroughs were born in moments of solitude. Einstein, for example, often retreated to think—and he seemed to do just fine.
2. Resilience Through Self-Reliance: Leaders who have weathered challenges alone often develop a unique resilience. They know how to troubleshoot, adapt, and persist, even when the odds aren’t in their favor.
3. Empathy Through Experience: Lone wolves who thrive in leadership often have a deep well of empathy. Why? Because they’ve been the underdog, the outlier, the one who had to figure it all out. That’s a perspective you can’t fake.

Lessons from the Pack

Striking the right balance between independence and collaboration is no easy feat. But these actionable insights can help you master both worlds:

1. Embrace Both Worlds: Schedule time for solitude and deep reflection, but also prioritize building genuine relationships. Both are essential for effective leadership.
2. Leverage Your Team’s Strengths: You don’t have to have all the answers. Empowering your team not only lightens your load but also fosters innovation and trust.
3. Be Honest About Your Needs: If you need alone time to recharge, communicate that. Authenticity builds respect and sets healthy boundaries.
4. Redefine Independence: Independence doesn’t mean doing everything yourself. It means having the confidence to seek help and the humility to accept it.
5. Laugh at Yourself: Humor is a secret weapon. When you’re leading a team, a well-timed joke or a bit of self-deprecation can build rapport faster than any motivational speech.

Me?

So, am I a lone wolf? Maybe in some ways. I cherish my independence; my early self-reliance shaped who I am today, and solitude fuels my creativity. But the myth of the lone wolf falls apart upon closer inspection. True leadership isn’t about going it alone. It’s about knowing when to stand alone and when to lean into the strength of your pack.

After all, even wolves travel in packs—a reminder that leadership isn’t about isolation but about knowing when to stand alone and when to stand together.

Because let’s be honest, nobody builds empires (or eats lunch) alone forever.

See you at the top!

XO

MV

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Sources:

• Immordino-Yang, M. H., et al. (2012). “Rest Is Not Idleness: Reflection Is Critical for Personal and Professional Development.” Perspectives on Psychological Science.
• The Leadership Quarterly, “Collaboration vs. Individualism: The New Frontier in Leadership.” (2021)
• University of Michigan, “Ambiverts and Leadership: The Balanced Approach to Success.” (2020)
• Harvard Business Review, “The Balance Between Solitude and Connection.” (2020)